Loose lips sink ships

Yes, Madonna is freaking ripped.



But most of us don't have 4 hours a day to devote to working out.

Don't fret. Guy Ritchie has some comforting words for you.

With the divorce battle officially on and splashed across, well everywhere, Mr. Ritchie has begun venting a bit. Apparently, he was not a fan of Madonna's strict workout routine spilling that sleeping with her was (cue British accent here) "like cuddling up to a piece of gristle."



I don't know about you, but that makes me and my round booty feel a little better.

Yes, yes y'all

Holy crap you guys, I did it! I ran a half marathon. 13 miles! Sunday. I’m kinda too tired to write much more, but here are some highlights:


Here's me and my friend Danielle at about mile 3, still looking spry and bright-eyed. 20 points for those of you who can actually pick me out of this picture. Here's a hint, there's only two of us looking at the camera (thanks Kris!)...



Da-da-daaa, da-da-daaaa (cue the Rocky theme). Crossing the finish line. Check out how D's feet aren't even touching the ground!



Danielle, our rock-star-full-marathon-runner-amiga Heather, me :), and our adoring fans, Kari and Nic. I can barely walk at this point.


The Denver Marathon in numbers:

8,000 runners participated

13 countries represented

46 states represented

5,280 miles above sea level in Denver

26.2 miles for a full marathon

13.1 miles for a half marathon

3 months I trained

2 hours and 6 minutes was my final time for the half (yea!)

9:45 average minute mile

2 hours and 22 minutes was the final winning time for full marathon runner Basweti Jynocel (that’s only 16 minutes more than my time, plus 13 more miles, but who’s counting?)

5:25 average minute mile for Basweti (for 26 straight miles!)

1 hour and 10 minutes was the final winning time for half marathon runner Joel Hamilton

5:23 average minute mile for Joel

4 or 5 (I lost count) mimosas I enjoyed at brunch after the race

2 hour nap I took after the mimosa indulgence


Yes, yes y'all.

Tina Fey for VP, pt. 2

Of course McCain and Obama fling about Joe the Plumber right after my last post. Some how this metaphor was overused on a monumental scale, even by a politician's standard. Anyway, apply Joe the Plumber to any of the previous lists. It definitely deserves a spot on the list of ridiculousness.

I would title this post Joe the Plumber for VP, but I still think Tina Fey is better qualified. But I'd consider Amy Poehler as well!

Tina Fey for VP

As a person who is so sadly ill-informed on the politics that are consuming our media at the moment, I will not try to give any kind of educated opinion on it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been paying attention, and watching the debates and all. But really, what the hell are they even talking about most of the time? They over sell their past voting records (why does the senate have 95 votes on the same tax issue btw?), how much their opponent sucks (which the other denies, quoting more voting records), and how their past proves they will fix all of the country’s current woes (while leaving out any real concrete plans).

So what is a Joe Sixpack to think? I am a pop-culture junky after all, and so I get all of my supplemental information from the Today Show, the Daily Show, and all the other shows that only feed you what they want you to think. So, my contribution is a gathering of the highlights, from this junky’s point of view:


Top issues:

1. The economy…aka highly privileged rich people telling you how they are going to fix our failing economy
2. The war…that was kinda supposed to help us gain energy independence…?
3. The energy crisis…(see #2 above)


What we’re really talking about:

1. Obama and his never-ending list of questionable “friends”
2. Michelle Obama’s wardrobe and feisty persona
3. Cindy McCain is hot, wow… how old is she?
4. Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin
5. John McCain… oh wait, no… no, we’re not talking about John McCain (except that he is really old… see #4 above)


Most over used metaphors:

1. Golden Parachute
2. Earmarks
3. Pork barrel spending
4. Main Street


Most over used word:
Everyone say it with me…

Maverick

…or Change, depending on your party (really one in the same, aren’t they?)


Phoniest phrases:

1. “I was talking to a small business owner in Des Moines…”
2. My friends
3. Folks (gag me)


A debate I’d really love to see:
In this corner…

Hillary “Pantsuit” Clinton
Sarah “Updo” Palin
Michelle “Fashionista” Obama


Exciting things that have come from this election:

1. For the first time, an African-American is very likely to be the next President of the United States.
2. American citizens are actually fired up, talking about the issues and the candidates, and ready to vote.
3. Saturday Night Live is on Thursday nights too!

Rough Life

Just another day in the life of a beagle...