Plan B

Ahhh, darn it. I didn't get a single blog posted in October. Well, what can I say? Life has thrown a few curve balls at me lately. It has been wonderful practice for accepting "it is what it is." And not being able to sit and write has been one of those tests.

I have gotten to know my Alter-Ego very well in the last few months. She and I have been at odds quite a lot. She thrives on tight schedules, deadlines, fear, stress, and Plan B in general. You know good ol' Plan B, who comes strolling along and stares you right in the face as he stomps your wonderfully crafted, dearly loved Plan A into the dirt like a cigarette butt? Yep, that Plan B.

I hate Plan B. When I panic and retreat at the sight of him, Alter-Ego literally takes over. She is extremely efficient, tunnel visioned, lacks creativity, focuses on survival, and is somewhat unpleasant. But she gets the job done, I must admit. She takes on Plan B like a champ and usually comes out the victor. Still, she is not satisfied, but rather bitter for being summoned to do my dirty work, and all the while I've been drug behind the Alter-Ego Express Train, and sadly look as much once the ride is over. We're quite a pair. My poor hubby never knows who to expect for dinner.

And it's really all because of Plan B. For some reason, a little fuse in my brain bursts every time Plan B pops up. And since my daily interaction is with 5-year-olds, who give no warning before they puke all over the table, I've had a lot of opportunity to study the sick relationship between myself, Alter-Ego, and Plan B.

At least I've learned about Alter-Ego. At least I know what she looks like. I've learned that much. That's something I suppose. But my challenge now is to handle Plan B on my own, to be able to stare him right in the eye and smile, rather than mourn the loss of my precious Plan A. What is so special about Plan A?! Is it the time that I put into crafting Plan A? No, I don't think so. Is it the fact that every detail was perfectly put together, and this is the best Plan A I've ever had? No, that's not it. Is it that I had beautiful expectations, hopes, and dreams for my sweet Plan A? No, actually... IT'S ALL OF THESE THINGS!!! And now I have to throw something else together, DAMN IT! And now I'm even more behind schedule than before, and...

That's when the downward spiral starts and Alter-Ego has already taken the reins. You can see why she has a nasty attitude.

But here's the moral of the story. If there is one thing I know, it's that you can't blame your problems on others. They are after all, your problems, and problems at all because of how you react to them. So I suppose I can't blame Plan B. He is present more consistently than Plan A. I suppose that makes him more reliable. And to be totally honest, some of the best outcomes are those sprung from Plan B (but don't tell him I said that). Something I've learned the hard way is that life is full of Plan B. I should get to know him, maybe have him over for dinner, meet his family, because I might dislike Alter-Ego even more than Plan B. She is a crazy bitch.

Yes, Plan B and I must agree to disagree. I have to be able to smile and breath when I see him round the corner. That way I can let my elusive little Plan A escape out the back door before Plan B has the chance to crush him. Maybe I'll see Plan A through fruition some day, until then, I have to learn to enjoy my life with Plan B. After all, at least he's not Plan C.

My brain all a-Twitter

No, I have not started a Twitter account. I've never really figured out the appeal to Twitter to be totally honest. But maybe that's because I'm a little more verbose than can fit in a 140 character post. That is, until very recently. With such a small space reserved for non-school thoughts, I've been able to conjure up lots of ideas, headlines really, but not much substance behind them. Perfect Tweet material. So here are a few Tweet-ish ideas from the last few weeks. But don't hold me to the 140 characters. Like I said, I am not a Tweeter. Just tired and lacking creativity.

I saw my first fall leave today. Yea! I love fall!!!

Soy cheese pizza and SYTYCD. I can't think of anything better on a Wednesday night. I'm becoming a seriously cheap date.

Thank god Kim Kardashian dyed her hair back dark. What was she thinking...?

OMG!!! Full-frontal nudity in my classroom!!! This is not happening...!

Kanye has the self control of one of my kindergartners. Possibly less.


Sushi Den has the best veggie roll in Denver!!! Next time I think I need two.

I just logged onto Facebook for the first time since July...wow...or sad...

I think it's ridiculous I have to send home permission slips for my kindergartners to view a speech by our President about education. Jesus!


My poor baby beag is feeling neglected. Iris has reverted back to her back-to-school behavior of peeing on the floor, and showing off her Barky Von Schnauzer behavior. I thought she grew out of that, but realized that I just went half time. Poor, baby! I'm sorry!

Oh, snap! Look who finally joined Facebook! Dan Cantrell aka Daddy-O!

I'm actually starting to feel more like myself again. Either Mercury is exiting retrograde, or it's been about 6 weeks since school started and I'm finally settling in like all the Kindergarten teachers said I would. Either way, the universe is feeling comfortable again.

Thanks to my girls for DRAGging me out this weekend. It was nice to unwind and have fun with you!!!

How was your morning?

Now, I know you are totally over hearing about kindergarten, teaching, school, children, or being overwhelmed in general, and wondering, can't she talk about anything else?!

And the answer is no.

It's all I think about.

Actually, the thought, "What was I doing/thinking about before I went back to teaching in the classroom?" pops up pretty regularly, because what ever that was, I'm not doing it anymore.

Regardless of my adjustments and crazed preparation, my classroom continues to be a different version of yesterday's three-ring circus. Never a dull moment. Never. Take last Wednesday morning for example:

7:35- Peel crying twins off of their parents, yet again, while greeting the other 21 students and making sure they are putting their backpacks away and finding their correct seats.

8:00- Console a crying student for getting busted (by me) for running and playing tag in the classroom during centers. I assure him I'm sure it won't happen again... wait, why do the roles seemed reversed?

9:15- Bandaging up a skinned knee at recess just as another bawling student wanders up with a busted, bloody lip. She somehow smacked her face on the slide. And of course she doesn't know how to get to the nurse. (Wait, where did I put the nurse cards?!) Who knows how to get to the nurse?! Can you escort her there and then come RIGHT BACK TO THE CLASSROOM?! (Jeez, is this proper protocol? Should I send a bloody, crying 5 year-old with another overly-confident 5 year-old? If there is anything I've learned in my few weeks with kindergartners it's that they don't always know what they think they do...) Whew, he's back. That was quick. He probably ran all the way back. Hopefully no one saw him running in the hall, or at least not back into my room.

9:45- In the middle of read aloud. All the kids are sitting, listening, focused.

BANG! The bathroom door is kicked open to reveal one of my boys strolling on out, singing to himself, his underoos and jeans around his ankles. OMG! Is this really happening?!

Luckily the kids' backs are to him and only catch a glimpse of his full moon as he turns around after I say (calmly, believe it or not), "Turn around, shut the door, and pull up your pants. We do not come out of the bathroom before pulling up our pants."

This is all before 10 o'clock. Oh, and I'm supposed to be teaching them how to read somewhere in there.

Ha. Ha.

Tell me, if you had days like this, would you blog about anything else?!

Needed: more sugar

About mid-morning last Wednesday, I thought to myself, I don't think I have the energy to be Mary Poppins.

My voice was strained. The kids were in a constant state of distracted. Nothing seemed to be going according to plan. I was starting to wonder if this was going to become the norm. I had yet to eat lunch that week, was staying up late every night trying to get caught up and prepared for the next day. Lord knows what else was going on outside of my classroom. Why is the flag at half mast? Search me; I haven't seen the news in two weeks.

For the smallest second, panic and self doubt were starting to creep in. I was me in my first year of teaching all over again, thinking holy shit...what did I get myself into?

In a blur of activity I survived the rest of the morning.

And then the most amazing thing happened.

My afternoon class walked in like professional kindergartners. They came in, put their stuff away, started their work, all without prompting or redirecting. I sat and watched and my heart swelled with pride, and relief. Ok, maybe I do know what I'm doing. Maybe it's going to be ok.

That's the beauty of teaching kindergarten. 11:00 is the start of a whole new day.

I almost forgot...

to give my final reaction to the SYTYCD finale!

Ok, so first of all, I'm pleased with the results. By the last few weeks Jeanine had really begun to stand out for me- especially during the solos- and I think she is amazing. My hubby thinks Brandon was robbed and my friend Danielle turned off the show once Kayla was awarded 4th place, but I really think that Jeanine is was given the well deserved winning spot.

Some final pieces I have to throw up that aired the during the last few shows:

Some oldies but Emmy-award-nominated/winning-goodies...
The bench piece choreographed by Mia Michaels, danced by Travis Wall and Heidi. Absolutely beautiful.

And of course, Ramalama, choreographed by Wade Robson. My favorite piece ever.

And also, I fell in love with the contemporary piece danced by Kayla and Brandon in one of the last weeks (sorry this is a long version of the video, but it's the best quality). It is choreographed by Stacey Tookey and is a perfect duet. Kayla + Brandon + contemporary = amazing!

Till fall...

A spoonful of sugar

I used to love Mary Poppins. Actually I still do.

She's fabulous. Efficient. Organized. Kind, yet strict. And her ability to accessorize is totally unbelievable. Let's talk about the bottomless carpet bag, as well as the umbrella, that not only has a flying function, but a pet talking parrot built into the handle.

She would make a great kindergarten teacher. I've been thinking about her as I've been setting up my room and starting school. Having a song for every situation makes the rowdy bunch much more manageable. Five-year-olds love to sing. They will drop everything to sing about getting into line. It's pretty amazing.

I'm considering making my new slogan WWMPD? (you know, what would Mary Poppins do?). I think I could definitely pull off channeling her. After all, I am well accessorized and eccentric in my own right.

Kindergarten is totally a trip. It is an absolute whirlwind. And really fun.

I've added a gadget to the right side of the page: Overheard in Mrs. Cox's kindergarten classroom. Keep your eye on that one. I already have material for days!

Happy 1st Birthday, Lilly Anna!

Crazy Americans

I just turned my computer on for the first time in over 3 weeks. Pretty amazing, eh? I've been resisting the urge to, because I knew that once I did I wouldn't resurface for several hours. My list of things to do on my computer is two pages long. But, as I said, I've been resisting. After nearly passing out with a panic attack at the Dallas airport the day I left the meditation course, I decided easing myself back into my life was the way to go. The lines, people, screaming babies, plastic baggies with liquids of no more than three ounces, shoes off through security-they must go on the belt, not in the tubs!- ID in hand, loud foreign accents, Wolf Blitzer blabbing on about Obama's health care plan piped in over the whole freaking place for your listening pleasure, proved to be a little much for me after 10 days of peace and silence.

At lunch in Dallas a couple of days before my course, my Aunt Tina made the comment, "you can't live in America and not be busy." Only someone who spends 3 months of the year in India could have that perspective, I suppose. Of course we all know we're "busy." There are different grades of busy, of course, ranging from the low-end-of-normal to the average to the awe-inspiring-uber-organized-phenom busy. We are actually impressed with people who accomplish more in one day than most people do in 3. And if you know anyone who often has "free time" it's almost as if they need to justify it to not appear, dare I say...lazy.

On my 4th day at the course I was walking the grounds of the center as the brand new sun rose overhead. Being in a rural area outside of Dallas, I was able to stop and admire some cows that were grazing on the other side of the barbed wire. Such lucky cows, I thought, as not many cows born today get to roam freely, eating grass, their natural-sized utters used only to raise their own babies. Kind of like the odds and good fortune of children born in America, I though to myself.

I walked further and knelt down to admire a leopard spotted frog. What a wonderful day, I thought as I tiptoed past him. I was feeling so good I wondered to myself, I think I would have enjoyed living in the country, with a slower pace, more nature... And then my aunt's comment, "you can't live in America and not be busy," resurfaced. It suddenly really made sense. Yeah, nature is all well and good, but standing around to admire it isn't the American way. We are a culture of faster, stronger, louder, better, richer. While Europeans take weeks off "on holiday" in the summer, everyone I talk to can't imagine giving up 10 vacation days to go sit and meditate. The English have afternoon teas, and many Latin cultures siesta midday. But while they were relaxing, Americans just made another $50.

As a person who clearly is drawn to a more meditative lifestyle, I'm still an efficient American through and through. We, like those cows, were fortunate enough to land where we did. We have the choice and opportunity to make of our life what we want. And most of us pack in as much as we can fit. Fully aware of the madness that lay ahead, as school starts next week, I've made the choice to ease back in. But, I turned on my computer this afternoon and Skyped into Lilly's first birthday party. And bottom line is, I love it. The madness, the tight schedule, accomplishing 3 days worth of things in one- after all, I'm going back to the classroom because I've been pulling my hair out in boredom the last few years.

I more than enjoyed- I needed- my 10+ days of zen. And I will try to maintain traces of it by meditating each morning.

But I'm back. Bring on the crazy!

Hi, sorry I've missed you. I've stepped off the planet for a little bit, but if you'd like to leave a message...

It's that time again. I'm headed to another 10 day meditation course, or "silent camp" as my friends call it. It's a chance for me to reboot myself and start anew when I get back in August. I will get back just in time to head back to school, where I will begin my new job teaching Kindergarten (remember my amazing new job and classroom?!), which in itself is a rebooting of my career. I feel like many things are turning over in these last 6 months of my 20's and it's very exciting. I watched my husband play all weekend with my baby niece Lilly, and can't help but look forward to starting my own family soon. So, I feel like this meditation course is the start of many new beginnings. And I'm pretty psyched about it.

One of the benefits of practicing meditation is learning to live in this moment, to observe all the good (and bad) that is now. And so before I get too wrapped up in the things to come, I have to remind myself to appreciate my life as it is today. Writer Terri Trespicio, contributor to this month's body + soul magazine had this to say about this July day:

"There's something slippery about summer. And that's the beauty of it: a season so moody and brilliant, so frivolously sensual and bold that it eludes your every effort to contain it. Instead, it wraps you in abundance, in swaths of sunlight and long, lazy hours- none of which is really ever yours to keep. Therein lies the lesson: While fall inspires nostalgia and winter a longing for warmth, summer has an endless amount to give, if only we can stand still and receive it. This season, resist the urge to control every last vestige of time. Instead, practice letting life spin around you in bright, concentric circles, filling your attention with light."

And so, I wish for you the ability to stand still and receive all that summer (and any other day for that matter) has to offer. Get out of your own way, for even just a few minutes, and observe all the unnoticed amazing moments that slip in and out of your everyday. I will be trying as much when I step off the planet for a bit of perspective and restoration.

See you in a couple of weeks!

SYTYCD, week 8 and beyond

Though Tyce Diorio's piece about breast cancer, danced by Ade and Melissa, was a beautiful contemporary piece and the sentimental favorite of the night, my personal pick was quite the opposite. Laurieann Gibson choreographed a pop jazz piece that had no story, no gimmick, and very little partner interaction. Yet, the choreography was dynamic and Jeanine and Brandon performed it with so much precision and strength that it gets my vote. It was an awesome piece.
Also, you all know how I feel about Kayla, but Jeanine has been sneaking up as the finale comes closer. As brilliant as Brandon is, I found myself unable to look away from Jeanine. I'm really digging her right now, and may change my vote. I know! Shocking news, right?!

Now, I will be out of town for the next two weeks (see next blog :) and will miss the finale (which means I won't be able to vote for Kayla or Jeanine- sad!). Watching the missed episodes will be at the top of my list upon returning, but in the meantime, there better not be anyone sending me emails or texts saying, "OMG! Can you believe ____ won?!" Because I might mortally wound whoever who makes that mistake. I will post my own OMG! reaction after I've watched the finale. That will be your cue to start commenting away. Until then, mum's the word.

Enjoy, dance fans!

Don't forget to vote!

New poll ---------->

Check it out!

SYTYCD, week 6

If you watched season 2, you know Travis Wall. He was robbed of the title, coming in second.

No matter. He's back, and bringing awesome choreography with him!

My fave piece of this week was Travis Wall's piece danced by Jeanine and Jason. This is the first week I've really even noticed Jason. These two got a lucky break when they shed their old partners and were paired up together. They have a great chemistry and showcase each other really well.

Enjoy!

Until next week, dance fans...

"My apologies" if you work for an airline

To pick up my whining where I left off in the last post...can I talk for a minute about the airlines?

The worst part is, this conversation is a vicious circle:

1) Airline customer service, business plan, operations, baggage handling, scheduling, rescheduling, etc., is shamelessly pathetic. In fact, it borders on irresponsible. The day when the industry is finally regulated by the government and travelers have rights can't come soon enough. I hate flying, and I'm not giving the airlines my money anymore.

2) But I have a cousin's wedding in Florida. Every one's going. I can't be the only jerk who doesn't show because I don't feel like dealing with the Russian Roulette we call traveling these days.

3) I'm sitting in an airplane in Panama City, FL, which has an airport so small there is no direct flight from Denver. We have a connection in Atlanta. Any experienced flier knows that connections are usually the place where the problems occur. Sure enough, Atlanta is experiencing heavy storms. We are grounded- in the airplane of course- for the next 40 minutes. Finally in the air, and now, still due to the storms, we have to circle the airport for another 40 minutes. We only have enough fuel for that long, so we may be diverted to Columbus. Miraculously we land in Atlanta, 30 minutes after our connection left. How, pray tell, did our connection leave- ON TIME!- when we have been circling the airport?!

We are scheduled for a 6:20 flight the next morning, with no hotel offered. So we get on the standby list for 9:55 later that night, which is of course delayed...and delayed more...and delayed more...and at this point the crew of the flight has been working too long- at least they have some rights- and so they are calling in a new crew...so yes, the flight is delayed more, scheduled for 2:30 am. Also it is, for whatever reason, about 43 degrees in the airport where we sit for more than six hours. Delta has left one poor soul to keep delivering bad news and no blankets, but only "our apologies." How about some kind of compensation for this ridiculous inconvenience?! No they can't control the weather, but rain is pretty common. You mean to tell me, this is your only plan?! And why are your idiot customers- myself included- still keeping you in business?!?!

Why because they've got us by the short hairs, don't they. All the airlines run a miserable business so there is really no need to improve to keep up with competition. And we're not going to stop traveling. The airlines themselves are all near or in bankruptcy, their staff is overworked and abused, and the customers pay a lot of money and may or may not receive a quality service. We are in a mutual love/hate relationship at the moment.

We arrive at the Denver baggage claim about 5:15 the next morning. I am too tired and worn down to care that my bag even arrived- always a pleasant surprise- much less that it is completely soaking wet, apparently left in the torrential downpour in Atlanta for 6 hours. Perfect.

4) After this top-5-worst-travel-experience-ever, I swear I am never giving Delta, or any other airline my money! I am done with traveling!

5) But next weekend I'm flying to Dallas, and then Lilly's 1st birthday is in August, and my grandfather's service is in October, and then Thanksgiving, and then...

SYTYCD, week 5ish...

Ish explains a lot about the last few weeks. To use my favorite cliche: when it rains, it pours. Literally. After a festive-family-filled-fourth, we returned home to find a newly flooded basement that had been sitting unattended all weekend. Gross. Two days of cleaning/gutting the basement followed. Fun. Then off to a family wedding in Florida, to be finished off by a true Planes, Trains, and Automobiles experience trying to get back home. Infuriating. (More on that later!) The fridge went out while we were gone, but it's since been fixed and new groceries bought, and barring a natural disaster- knock on wood!- I think (I hope) we're back on track.

Regardless, I've had this post in my head for quite some time and wanted to share no matter the tardiness.

Ok. This was the first week where I was truly blown away by a piece. The dancing and choreography have been great this season, but none that I rewound and rewound again to watch over. Until the holy trinity of Mia Michaels, Kayla, and Kupono came together in this piece about addiction. Mia's choreography and movement perfectly depict an addicted Kayla's struggle with a menacing and damaging Kupono. The piece ends, just as it begins showing the constant downward spiral of addiction. It's brilliant. The dancers move past dancing and into the story of the piece. The piece is emotional, moving, and for a second you forget you're watching dance. Those are my favorite pieces. They are true works of art.

Love, love, love it! By far my favorite piece of the season.

This week also showed me something else quite amazing. As I sat watching the show, I thought, you know, you are becoming quite biased...you think Kayla can do no wrong...you only love this piece because you love Kayla. But then she and Kupono were unfortunatley paired up with choreographer Joey Dowling. And my doubts were tossed out the window. Joey successfully made these two dancers look like ametures. Her dated ideas and movement, paired with completely uninspiring music make me yawn. I was equally unimpressed- I think I actually said to the TV, "Eww!"- the week before when Joey did a piece with Randi and Evan. So she's 0 for 2 in my book. Thank you Joey, for proving that my judgement isn't slipping after all!

Until next week...ish...

SYTYCD, week 4

So, yeah, it's been a rough couple of days.

But I got up this morning, blogged, and then watched SYTYCD on my couch, tea in hand. Nothing could make me feel better than that.

As usual, I'm nothing if not consistent. My fav is another Sonya piece, and another Kayla and Kupono piece. The three together might be the perfect combination. Sonya has such amazing musicality, and her style is that great mix of ugly and fabulous. And Kayla is just sick. Absolutely sick. She and Kupono have a very similar aesthetic. I like it. So that's my pick-Sonya's vampire piece danced by Kayla and Kupono. Enjoy!

Until next week...

P.S. Do you want an early prediction for the final two? (in whisper voice) Kayla and Brandon!

Loss

The world lost a great man yesterday

He was warm, generous, genuine, and admirable

He had an open heart that radiated warmth to anyone near

He lived through the dust bowl, war, loss and disease, and yet

He always found the beauty and good in his life

He was a man of deep faith and few words

He wore a button down shirt and slacks every day, except when he gardened, upon which he wore jeans

He worked well into his eighties and was forever a student of new things

He and his dog Lady were hospice workers, who brought joy and compassion to those who needed it most

He ate out every meal, frequenting the same places who eventually named sandwiches after him, and

He always cut the crusts off ours

He was an artist

He was the officiant of my wedding

He was the best person I’ve ever known

He was James Benjamin Wright, my grandfather

And he will be greatly missed

SYTYCD, week 3

Ok, so I'm completely late with this post, but my basement flooded on Thursday due to the flash flooding in my neighborhood, so blogging kind of got pushed to the last priority. Also, it's been a full house around here. I'm dog sitting for my parents this week, so the monster dogs are back.

They are not monsters because they are bad- in fact they are the sweetest 100+ pound labs you've ever met. But they are BIG in my little house. We've been having fun. You might remember meeting Boomer last summer. This year, he is joined by Pistol Pete (as in the OSU Cowboy Pistol Pete, to compliment Boomer Sooner of OU, of course! Have I ever mentioned I'm from Oklahoma...?)

Anyway, I mention my house guests because Pete confirmed that Mary Murphy has the most irritating voice on the planet. Yes, I think she is very knowledgeable and probably a great dancer in her time, but wow, her voice grates across me like nothing else. Usually, I am able to fast forward though her part after each dance. Unfortunately, I was watching Wednesday night's show live, so Pete and I had to endure the screaming. I swear to you, every time she spoke (or screeched) Pete would stand up and look around with his ears back and a scared look on his face.

Here he is looking quite calm and collected, but I'd say he did not enjoy the show. Sorry, Pete.

My pick for week three was the quirky Mia Michael's piece danced by Randi and Evan. However, my tardiness in posting this week paid off, because probably my favorite piece would be the Thursday night opening group piece choreographed by Dimitri, Tabitha and Napoleon. I appreciated the little hint of Flashdance-esque flare. Enjoy!

Until next week (or I guess later this week) dance fans...

Sad Day

Thriller was my first tape, and MJ was my first love.

Rest in peace, Pop King.

A bit more on Feathers

I have recieved an unexpected amount of feedback on the recent post about friendship. Honestly, I almost didn't write about it at all. I wondered if anyone else could relate or understand my thoughts. Also, I did not know if it was appropriate, as I want to remain respectful of the relationship that once was. But when something consumes my thoughts for as long as this did, I can't help but write about it.

Surprisingly, people from all different corners of my life have left comments, emailed, or even caught me in Starbucks to discuss the questions I posed in the post. And I found that I'm not alone in these struggles. Almost everyone told me, "I was in a situation like that once..."

One piece of advice that left an impression on me came from a friend from high school via Facebook. I thought it was worthy of sharing with you:

"I've got another saying for you: friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some seasons are long (like 'the years I was defining myself in this world') but they are nonetheless temporary. All I would say is to say 'goodbye,' but leave yourself open to crossing paths some time in the distant future when every one's feathers have changed again. Don't feel guilty, just give that time and energy to someone or something else more deserving and healthier for you."

Thanks to all for your thoughts, feelings, and words of advice.

The poll is back!

Just for fun, I added the poll gadget to the right side of the blog again. I was inspired by this new random app I downloaded on my iPhone called What Would You Choose?. It plays the choose-the-lesser-of-two-evils game. I'll share the most intriguing ones with you guys. Make sure to vote! I'm interested to find out what makes my readers tick... heehee...

SYTYCD, week 2

Oh yes, we've moved on to the abbreviation. So You Think You Can Dance, has always been a ridiculous title, if you ask me. But an awesome show! And last night did not disappoint!

My favorite routine from last night was Sonya's jazz danced by Melissa and Ade. It was weird and cool and very well executed!

Until next week dance fans...

Birds of a feather...

...flock together.

But what happens when one of the birds changes color? Maybe it doesn't happen over night, but rather over time, and one day you look over to see your fellow flock mate a startling orange when they used to be a more subdued teal, such as yourself. They are quite a different bird, now at odds with the flock. But do your past journeys bind you together regardless?

I consider myself a good friend. No, I am not perfect (a fact that is absurdly difficult for me to accept), but my intentions are well founded. I believe that friends should be the bright spots in one's life, and I try to be that for mine. I read recently that friends are the family you get to choose. But I've also heard some theories that friendship has a shelf life. People drift in and out of your life, bringing with them lessons and value while they are there.

So, get to the point, Christie. What is my issue? I have recently experienced a break-up with a friend, a flock mate, and while I feel confident in my decisions, guilt remains.

My biggest question is this: Is it ever ok to give up on a friend? If friends are the family you get to choose, then no. But I'm not sure I buy that. I am a strong believer in another cliche: blood is thicker than water. I will fight to maintain any and all of my relationships with family. If all else fails, agree to disagree. And see, I don't feel like that's acceptable with friendship. If you're merely agreeing to disagree, where is the goodness and brightness that was once brought into your life by this person? When friendship becomes more effort than it's worth, do you stay? When difference dissolves love, what do you do? Should friendships be work? At some point do you enter into an unspoken agreement that you are tied for life, now responsible for friending this person, no matter what? The divorce rate says that isn't the case with a mate. Should it be with a friend?

Maybe my feathers are the ones that changed hues overtime. I am willing to accept that. This in mind, I tried to change my perspective, see the value in the relationship in its evolved state. But, I take responsibility for my own happiness, and I expect that others do the same. When a friend begins to depend on me for happiness, to do or say the right things, that's no longer friendship. That is dependence. Don't misunderstand support with dependence. Support is helping a friend through a difficult, short-lived period in their life. Dependence is an ongoing draining of energy, with little to nothing in return.

So, does that make me a good friend, or a fair-weather friend? I guess that depends on your definition of friendship. I am trying to let the guilt slide off of my teal feathers, because that is who I am. I do care about others. And I really did try. But at some point, it is ok to let go...right?

So You Think You Can Dance

Alright, of course I'm a HUGE fan of this show. Would you expect anything less? And since my husband insists on "accidentally" erasing my favorite pieces from the show, I thought I would store them here. And share them with you, of course.

I will not be offended if you skip over these posts. Dance is not for everyone. But for you closet dance fans- enjoy!

My fav piece of this week is the samba routine danced by Max and Kayla, choreographed by Louis van Amstel. I don't even like ballroom, but this one is awesome! Kayla is from Aurora- so I'm a bit biased- and I really liked the pink costume (not a good reason to like a piece, but it definitely topped it off for me!). A close second was the opening hip hop danced by Jeanine and Phillip, choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon. These two are so together and sharp. I was impressed.

Until next week, dance fans...

Can I gush for a minute?

So, even though I have been in the field of education for a while, I am still totally shocked at how nice my new school is. I'm not sure if it's because it's the newest school in the district and so all the new bells and whistles are still in tact, or if the administration spends their money in different ways, or what the difference is. But there is such a massive difference.

For example: my classroom.

Not only is it new and nice with vaulted ceilings, working computers for the kids, a teacher's computer/work station with the fanciest new document camera- ooh, ahh- but it's packed to the gills with furniture and supplies. I spent two hours in there today going through all the different supplies, games, books, tools, you name it, and only got through about half of it.

The day I stepped into my very first classroom- 3 days before school started, mind you- at my old building, there was nothing. Nothing! But desks. And crickets. We scavenged for any and all beat up, burnt-orange and olive, gross cabinets and shelves and were proud when we spent way too much of our own money on a few new phonics game for our students.

This is what I'm used to. Can you see my excitement?!

Again, I really don't know why there is such a HUGE difference. But I'm not complaining. I'm half way waiting for it to all disappear. It's too good to be true.

Colbert takes it off

Just had to share this. Because I love both of them. Because it's cool. And because I love when a person can make fun of themselves.

Colbert shaves his head per orders from the Pres himself.

Multiple choice with Lilly

What is Lilly doing?

a. Learning to wink

b. Eating a lemon

c. Practicing the Force

d. Doing an impression of Paula Abdul

Please scroll down for the answer...

If you guessed b. eating a lemon, you are correct!

Tell them what the win, Lilly!

May 2009

Wholly schmolly, I haven't posted a blog in FOREVER! You have to understand that I meant to, but this has been one of the craziest months of my life- in a good way!

So let me try to catch you up. Days following my last post I floated along, distracted with elation, but did an occasional "Woo hoo!" when the idea of scoring my Kindergarten job came crashing over me again. Ahhh... that ate up a few days.

Over Memorial day, my girlfriends and I went to Scottsdale, AZ to celebrate our 30th birthdays that have begun to transpire this year. We sat by the pool, shopped, went to the spa, dressed up and went to dinner, went to a club... There were four of us to the room, and access to an executive sweet with free wine and beer. Thus, getting ready to go out each night was quite a tipsy production. Needless to say, I only lost a comb while I was there. Upon hearing this, my hubby asked, "You use a comb?!" Yes, I use a comb. I don't have much hair, alright!?

On Memorial Day itself I ran the Bolder Boulder with my mom. Either she's gotten faster or I was still hungover from the weekend in AZ...

Then, last Wednesday my friend Allison and I went to the No Doubt concert here in Denver.

I hate to say it, but- OMG!!!! Sorry, but that's the best way to describe it. First of all, you must know that I bought the most rockstar tickets I will ever have the rest of my life. I did this by- brace yourself- joining the No Doubt Tour Club. Yep, I did it. But aside from the cool, dorky benefits I will choose to leave out, I got to buy tickets to the concert before they went on sale to the public. The result was 20 feet away from the band- not the stage- the band aka GWEN!!!

I have to take a deep breath here, because I'm starting to get excited all over again. Those who have known me for a while know that I have had an unhealthy obsession with Gwen Stefani and No Doubt since I was about 15. So, the fact that she was SOOOOO CLOSE to me the entire show was... well, let's just say I'll remember it the rest of my life. I now know that she has freckles on her arms, gets runs in her tights like the rest of us, is as beautiful up close as she is in the media, and she can still effing rock!

It. Was. Awesome.

Ok, I'm finished dorking out. I promise.

Anyway, since then I've moved out of my old school and met with my new Kindergarten team. My new classroom is beautiful and overwhelming all at once. Also, Sunday the hubby and I went up to Lake Dillon, where my parents rented a boat and we hung out for the afternoon. It started raining the minute we got off the lake.

I am finally doing laundry (maybe in a month? Oh, let's hope not...) and putting my suitcases away from my trip. It's day two of summer vacation, and I am happy.

You've got to admit, that's a good month!

Last stop on the Roller Coaster is...

...a Kindergarten classroom! They called me today as promised with good news! I got the job!!! Can you believe it?!

YEA!

The Roller Coaster

You haven't heard too much from me lately because I've been on the Roller coaster of trying to find a new job. Remember when I told you I was looking to go back to the classroom full time? Well, I haven't applied for a new job in seven years. It's been more consuming than I remember.

Apply
Wait
Network
Apply some more
Rumors of an interview
Hope
No call
No call
No call
Sigh, oh well
An interview- Yes!!!
Wait, an interview?! Crap, what am I going to say?!
Prep, worry, breath, prep
Interview... question #1- no prob!, question #2, 3, 4- still hanging in there, question #5- Oh no, I hate this question...and now I'm wandering aimlessly- get back on track!!!...ok, survived that one, but used most of my energy reserves, question #6- "What else should we know about you and do you have any questions for us?"...no! I just want to get out of here! Ask something intelligent to make up for your Paula Abdul impression during question #5...ok, finished! Wait, you want to come observe me...next week?! Of course, absolutely, remain calm and charming...
Drive home and analyze everything I said and didn't say
Continue this through the evening, determine that I made quite a fool of myself
Analyze, worry, cry...my poor hubby
Whatever, moving on... it is what it is
Observation
You interviewed 10 and observed 5, (wow, guess the interview didn't go as badly as I thought!) and you'll have a decision by Friday at the latest?!
Walking on clouds
Another interview at another school- great!- but hopefully I have an answer from other school first...?
We still haven't made a decision and will have an answer for you by Monday...

This is all I've been doing, people. And it's sucking my creativity straight out of my ears, so sorry, this is all you get until Summer Break. Only 9 more days of school left...

P.S. I'll keep you posted on the Roller coaster.
P.P.S. Also, accept my apologies if all of the above makes no sense at all.

Lilly, almost 9 months

Hey there. How's it going? Just breaking in some new teeth. No biggie. This lipstick tube is perfect for teething! I'm gonna have to remember this for the next tooth.

Ha, ha...why are you laughing? What's funny?

Seriously, what's so funny? What?! Do I have something on my face?

Things I love about spring

1. Waking up to the chirping birds

2. Lush green grass

Iris loves it too.

3. Wearing my rainboots in the spring rain showers

4. Tulips

5. The climactic conclusion of American Idol

6. The buzzing around a school when there's only 15 days left til summer vacation!

7. Sundresses

I have a problem. I love any and all sundresses. I live in them until fall.

8. The cyclical process of rebirth and awakening

9. Walking the beags without mittens

10. Fresh air in the house through open windows

The thing I hate about spring...

1. The return of Worm Boy, aka Fred, whose favorite thing about spring is finding dead worms within/underneath the grass, digging them up to the surface, and rolling in the stench until a perfect cropcircle has been formed in our lawn. He walks in the house and the smell knocks you over.

The thing that Worm Boy hates about spring... lots of baths.

Fred makes lemonade: an update

No snow. Sunshine. Green grass.

Ahhh, that's more like it!

I swear I had it all figured out...

In yoga yesterday, the idea of "what do you want?" came up. Not in a specific sense like "what do you want for lunch?" and not in a broad sense like "I want to be happy," but on a more middle ground like, "what do you want to do, where do you want to go, etc, in this life?"

Can I be totally honest with you? Maybe you don't want to get this far into my brain, in which case, stop now and click over to my other page, Currently Coveting. Lots of great 09 clutches, minus the philosophical blah, blah, blah....

Anyway, for those of you still with me, my answer is, I really don't know. I don't know what I want short of a new pair of teal heels, which by the way, have proven very difficult to find. I feel like I have entered the no-mans-land of adulthood, where I have no idea what I'm doing, if I may be so honest. Around 25, 26 I kind of went through this complete emotional overhaul in that I realized that I am here. I have arrived. I finished school, I married the love of my life, I started a career, and then built that career successfully....and now what? My scheming and planning all through out high school and college only got about this far. I think at this point I imagined I would be so in bliss with the house that is my very own, with fresh flowers weekly, and all the newspapers and magazines I could read (actual fantasies of my adult life when I was in college), that happiness and fulfillment would carry through my adult years. Or maybe I just thought I'd figure out all of that once I got there. Well I'm here.

My mom always told me it was so much easier being a kid. Maybe it was. Of course there are so many awesome things about being an adult. But one thing I miss is really not worrying about where to go next. Not that I want someone else to plan out my weeks, months, years for me, but I wish I had more of a clue. I know this much: I want to go back to the classroom full time next year and start a family with Kris in the very near future. And maybe that's answer enough. But those plans are very green and new. So new that it kind of scares me that just four months ago I was certain I was headed down a VERY different path. It's amazing how one decision, one event, one conversation (not even traumatic ones, mind you) can change the very course of your life, and where you see yourself in it.

Do you wish you had clicked over to Currently Coveting earlier? It's ok, you can still bail.

What do I want (in addition to the teal heels, of course)?
to be a writer?
to stay in elementary education?
to live in Denver?
to move home to Summit County?
to travel all summer?
to keep some sanity and stay home all summer?
to be a foster home for dogs?
to volunteer more?
to bag all that BS and read blogs all day?

I spent the whole yoga class racking my brain. What do I want? And it bothered me that I could not decide on a single thing. Maybe I'm being too broad. Maybe the current daily goals of: get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, meditate, converse with the hubby, appreciate my hubby, TiVo my favorite shows, provide stellar instruction to the kids in front of me, find a job back in the classroom, learn how long a trimester actually is, write, read, make plans with my friends, call my family, walk my overweight beagles, fold the laundry before it wrinkles, why is Fred limping?, go to dance competitions, choreograph, learn from and support my writing group, train for races, start planting my spring garden, start composting, is this Friday recycling day?, update Facebook, what the hell is Twitter anyway?, get my roots done, drink enough water, bring grace into my life and the lives around me, search all of effing Denver for teal heels...

...maybe that is enough? Maybe that is what I want, and I'm doing it. Maybe the days of planning out the details of the next 5-10 years are done. Maybe adulthood is about trusting the process, accepting what is now, and choosing to be happy.

Hmmm. Maybe.

End of an Era

I lost a friend this week. A wonderful, reliable, super-cute friend. My lime green Beetle, aka Lime Ladybug, and I have been inseparable since I was twenty. If you know me, you know the Bug- a trademark symbol that displayed my whereabouts and represented me in mind, body, and spirit. Oh, I loved that car.




But alas, my twenties are quite rapidly coming to an end, and I had to say goodbye to my perfect companion.


As the extended warranty ran out last summer and my friend grew older and weaker, I knew our time was running out. I did not want another Beetle, as it seemed time to move on, but what should I get instead? I knew this: It had to be 4-door, cute, and green. As ridiculous as that list may be, those were non-negotiables.



Nearly a year later, the Gecko and I found each other. Meet my new car: the Gecko Green Volvo S40.





This car is totally nice. It has all the newest technology (hello, it turns the headlights on and off by itself...I mean that's pretty cool in my opinion), drives well, and meets my criteria.


But it's not the Bug.


I got the Gecko on Monday. We spent the first day or so co-existing while I mourned. But by yesterday, we were starting to bond. I'm growing to love this new companion. We will enter my 30's, weathering new milestones together. The Gecko will experience things the Bug never did, such as car seats (and all that comes with that dog and pony show). And I will love the Gecko I'm sure.


But the Bug will always hold a special place in my heart.

Happy Easter from Lilly

Hi! I haven't seen you all since Valentine's Day when I came to Colorado for a visit. How's life? Everything is great here! It's Easter, my new favorite holiday! Family, and candy, and cute clothes!

What did you get for Easter? Anything good?

Check out my new Easter dress. I love it. Mom got it from this awesome little boutique by my house.

And look at this fabulous headband! I literally squealed when I saw it!

Yea! I love Easter! I can't wait to show off my new outfit! Everyone is going to love it!!! Happy Easter to you!!!

Silent e vs. the -er sisters

You probably don't think about it much since you learned to read, but decoding English is tricky. Of course there are rules that my students and I live by, but as we all know, sometimes those rules can lead you astray.

Today, one of my second graders was decoding along, when he got stuck on the word "tired." Like the good little reader I trained him to be, he quickly began breaking the word apart. Unfortunately, rather than finding the "tire" inside the word and applying the silent e rule, he broke it into "t-ir-ed," and applied the -er, -ir, -ur rule instead.

"...turd?" he says looking up at me.

About a split second later, realizing what he had said, he dissolved into giggles. Poor thing could not regain his composure for several minutes, especially because I was laughing too.

Who says following rules isn't fun?

Lucky Me

This weekend we were predicted to get another 6 inches of snow.

Happily, we didn't.

My dad and sister Sarah arrived into Denver safely and without delay on Friday.

Dad, Sarah, and hubby

You can see where I get my good looks from.

We did a quick tour of the must-sees/must-eats of Denver and the mountains. And this morning they were here to wish me good luck on my 2nd half marathon before they flew back home.

Danielle and I were able to run The Platte River Half in very decent conditions.

Finally, a picture of me running where I don't look like I'm about to collapse.

Even though I might have felt like I was. Danielle and me post-race.

I didn't improve upon my last race time. But let's face it, that's not really why I train for half marathons.

Ho-ho cupcakes are though!

I topped off a day that started with hugs and well-wishes of encouragement from my family, with mimosas and toastes of congrats from my friends. Not too shabby.


It may be snowing right now, but I can't help but thank Mother Nature for her great timing. And I still have 4 cupcakes left. Lucky me.

Fred makes lemonade

Fred had big plans for his spring break. Until it snowed. He pouted for a day or two.

He wouldn't even go outside, until today. The sun is shining, but there is still a lot of snow in the yard, preventing him from sunbathing. Sunbathing is his favorite hobby. He was quite frustrated.

But Fred is a very resourceful beagle. He wasn't going to let a little snow get in the way of his spring break plans.

Can I get you anything Fred? Some lemonade perhaps?