Birds of a feather...

...flock together.

But what happens when one of the birds changes color? Maybe it doesn't happen over night, but rather over time, and one day you look over to see your fellow flock mate a startling orange when they used to be a more subdued teal, such as yourself. They are quite a different bird, now at odds with the flock. But do your past journeys bind you together regardless?

I consider myself a good friend. No, I am not perfect (a fact that is absurdly difficult for me to accept), but my intentions are well founded. I believe that friends should be the bright spots in one's life, and I try to be that for mine. I read recently that friends are the family you get to choose. But I've also heard some theories that friendship has a shelf life. People drift in and out of your life, bringing with them lessons and value while they are there.

So, get to the point, Christie. What is my issue? I have recently experienced a break-up with a friend, a flock mate, and while I feel confident in my decisions, guilt remains.

My biggest question is this: Is it ever ok to give up on a friend? If friends are the family you get to choose, then no. But I'm not sure I buy that. I am a strong believer in another cliche: blood is thicker than water. I will fight to maintain any and all of my relationships with family. If all else fails, agree to disagree. And see, I don't feel like that's acceptable with friendship. If you're merely agreeing to disagree, where is the goodness and brightness that was once brought into your life by this person? When friendship becomes more effort than it's worth, do you stay? When difference dissolves love, what do you do? Should friendships be work? At some point do you enter into an unspoken agreement that you are tied for life, now responsible for friending this person, no matter what? The divorce rate says that isn't the case with a mate. Should it be with a friend?

Maybe my feathers are the ones that changed hues overtime. I am willing to accept that. This in mind, I tried to change my perspective, see the value in the relationship in its evolved state. But, I take responsibility for my own happiness, and I expect that others do the same. When a friend begins to depend on me for happiness, to do or say the right things, that's no longer friendship. That is dependence. Don't misunderstand support with dependence. Support is helping a friend through a difficult, short-lived period in their life. Dependence is an ongoing draining of energy, with little to nothing in return.

So, does that make me a good friend, or a fair-weather friend? I guess that depends on your definition of friendship. I am trying to let the guilt slide off of my teal feathers, because that is who I am. I do care about others. And I really did try. But at some point, it is ok to let go...right?